I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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