that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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