I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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