brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
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