Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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