Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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