a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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