I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
