True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
