I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
