Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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