I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
