I want to stick my p in your. b.
She is in my trunk
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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