I can tuck mytits in my pants
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
