Yo dont text me then not text me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
