yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
