my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
