a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
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