I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
