I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
