Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
