Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
and she was petting her beer can
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
