My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
