There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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