I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
