Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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