I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
