haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
