Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
