so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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