Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
