giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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