So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
