tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
