Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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