Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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