can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
