The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
