Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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