If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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