I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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