my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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