Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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