just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
