Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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