Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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