I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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