this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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