Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
