He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
