I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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