I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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